Monday, July 21, 2008

A long answer to Michelles comment

I was going to answer your coment in the comment section but since it was soo long I decided to make it a post. So to answer your comment-

It's funny I was just thinking earlier how I would change the comment moderation. So I did, let the BS fly, lol.
My kids are with me, thats one thing I have been lucky with through all my bull shit,I have never lost them. I always made sure my babies were taken care of, no matter what I was doing. We did use with them in the house when we were binging on coke right before I got put on house arrest. And I do regret that. I know my 13 year old could tell something was up, even tough we would wait til they went to bed, we were still high in the morning. Now we only get high when they go to granmas house. Or if we do get high after they are asleep, it's ust a couple of shots then we come down and go to bed so we can get up in the morning and take care of them. I do take pills but that's way different then running around high from coke shots. They are 13 and 8 years old, two boys. I proably won't talk about them much on here cause I don't like making info about them available on the net, too many real freaks out there.
I have four tats and I am planning on getting both my arms half sleeved and a large back piece. I have a piece on my arm, it is two women intertwined in an embrace, looks kind of tribal. I got it when I was in a two year relationship with my ex girlfriend. I have a moon with a female face on my left shoulder. I have a skull on my right upper arm and I have the number thirteen done in purple flowers and vines under my belly button. You cannot even tell it's a thirteen unless I point it out. My ex girl has it too. 13 is my lucky number and was my grandmothers lucky number, she basically raised me most of the time. My mom has been an addict/dealer my whole life. The thirteen is not some hooky goth thing, it really just is my lucky number and the tattoo was for my nana too. I am an old school goth chick though. I love body mods too, my ears are 9/16" but next week I am stetching to 5/8", basically right now I can get my ring finger in them. I have my septum pierced and just stretched it to 8 gauge. I have my labret done but haven't worn it for awhile, it was causing my gums to recede. I also got rid of my belly button piercing, it always bothered me. And lastly I have the hood of my clit done, 12 gauge. I have had all my piercing except my ears for over ten years now, so I am not one of these dumb kids who just jumped on the body mod bandwagon and who will be taking their piercings out in a few years, lol. I also have dreads, this is my second set. I had long dreads half way down my back but I cut them off like a dumbass for a job and because I had court and the first time in front of the judge he hated my dreads. So I just started my new set of purdy black dreads 3 months ago and they are here to saty. I can't wait til I go for early release so I can dye some of them purple again.
House arrest sucks real bad. Although to me 60-90 days would be a cakewalk. I have been on for 14 months. I just got a new officer who won't let me do ANYTHING. Since I work at homw, phone whoring, I only get to go out for 2 hours a week to go check in with her. At least my other officer would let me go shopping,take the kids to school and go to school fuctions. But you won't be able to smoke weed. I haven't somked in 14 months.
I had reglaur probation. 5 years worth. On my first piss test I came up dirty for pot. They are supposed to give you a 90 day grace period to get totally clean but as I said the judge hated me because of how I looked so they put me on two years drug offender probation. I almost finished. the last month, 5 days before I went to my appointment, i decided (like a TOTAL dumass) to shoot 5 grams of powder with my bf and think I would be clean. So I violated. I absconded for 6 months before that caught me, we were partying way too hard during that time. It was a good thing I got caught actually, otherwise I would be dead with all the shit we were doing.
So thats that. feel free to email me anytime at undercoverkittie@hellokitty .com I am so glad that I found yours and Melody Lee's blogs. I really like reading them and feel a kinship with both of you. I hope we can be net friends.

**sidenote: I mentioned I had an ex girlfriend. I hate labels. I do not consider myself bi sexual. If one must label me I would be pan sexual (google it). I just don't look at someone for their sex, gender or color. I fall for someone for WHO they are not WHAT they are.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Now we only get high when they go to granmas house. Or if we do get high after they are asleep, it's ust a couple of shots then we come down and go to bed so we can get up in the morning and take care of them."

Congrats, all of your big changes. You sound like mother of the year.

You do know that you're ruiining your kids life and they will hate you and see you as pathetic just like you see your mother. If you wanted to be a coked out whore you shouldn't have had 2 kids.

Carrion Doll said...

so easy to stand on your soapbox of perfection whn there is a computer screen to hide behind. anh that's ok I expected such ignorance to eventually pop up.

Carrion Doll said...

oh and anonymous I should have added that since you dont know me and my life, past what I have written here...then you do not know all the history with me and my mother and all the things she has put me through to make me feel the way I do. you also dont know my relationship with my kids. i may not be perfect hun, but i try my best. no one is the perfect parent. but i do not put men and drugs in front of my kids, i give them plenty of love and attention. i never really got that. when you have no role model as to how to be a good parent it is very difficult. i think i do pretty good. i'm sorry that you feel you have to be so harsh and judgemental on someone you dont know. i hope you got the satisfaction you were looking for to make yourself feel superior. ;)

Michelle said...

"you do not know all the history with me and my mother and all the things she has put me through to make me feel the way I do."

Honey... please don't! We all make our own choices in life, your mom made hers and you made yours. Blaming what you do on your parents is a load of crap unless you are under 18 and still livng there. I like everything you've written and am not trying to make an enemy (hell, you're part of the blogspot junky circle now) but I can't help but speak my mind, which of course you can see if you read me. I subscribe to the GTFO school of thought. Basically if whatever you are complaining about isn't happening RIGHT NOW, GTFO- that is, Get The Fuck Over it! I'm sorry to jump on your case, I've seen too many junkies jump through hoops to get their bags or rocks or lines or shots and then right before getting off, say something like you just said, "it's my dads/ moms/ exboyfriends/ exgirlfriends/ fault that I do the things I do." Bullshit. If you did drugs long enough to fall in love, it is YOUR fault. Genetic disposition, post traumatic stress syndrome- it's all excuses, and they need to end. You can't be a victim until the day you die.

I don't wanna be mean, I'm not a mean person. I just have very strong opinions, and feel free to diss my opinions and my way of life- that's the best thing about blogs is we have the freedom to like or dislike anybody we want and SAY WHY! :)

love, shelley

Carrion Doll said...

Shelley
I am in no way blaming my mother for the way I am. And please dont ever apologize for saying anything to me shelly, i respect what you have to say because you tell whats on your mind. but i didnt mean that the way it sounded apparently. i am soooo not one of THOSE ppl believe me. i was referring to anonymous' comment, its gonna be hard for me to explain myself because i am not in that mind set now.

but I IN NO WAY BLAME MY MOTHER for the way i am. I MADE MY OWN CHOICES. i am a full believer that no matter how you were raised that you can make the consious decision to change and be who you want. i think you misunderstood or rather i am not very good at explaining myself at times.

i was just trying to make the point that all that anonymous knows is what i write, so there fore needs to think before making comments like the above one. but on the other hand he does have a right to an opinion. i just think the comment was ignorant.i dont care if ppl dont like me or what i do but when leaving a comment i just wish ppl could say that in an intelligent manner. not just someone who feels like bashing someone lse that day. but i guess i will get used to it. hell i am use to all the other dumbasses i am surrounded by.

i do not do the things my mom did when it comes to my kids and we have completely different relationships. maybe i should have worded that all better but i am not always as articulate as i would like to be... as I am in my head.

thanks ever so much for your honest feedback i appreciate it as i have said before, even if it not what i want to hear.