I am depressed today. I supposed it is because of the slight withdrawals I am going through. That and life is just well, lonely. There are so many things I need to be doing, so many things I want to do, but I hold myself back. Only doing what absolutely needs to be done and otherwise hiding out. My husband is being a douche lately. He can be such a hypocrite and sometimes I truly question if he loves me at all. I think I am only what I can do for him most of the time.

Someone brought me a quarter of an oxy 30 so I don't have to feel quite so bad. I think of going to the methadone clinic. But I have kicked methadone before. It was the WORST experience of my life. Especially when you have to get up and live life and do shit and take care of people. I know I'm a piece of shit, really you don't have to say it. There is nothing you can say that will make me feel any worse than I can make myself feel.

I have new trinkets for my dreads. Which are so very long now. They are 3 years old. Maybe one day when I feel better I will attach my new pretties and take a picture of them for you. Boy I'm all over the place aren't I.

I am going to start phonewhoring again soon. I can't wait to make some fucking money.

ok, for real this time...maybe

this is gonna be super quick but, i am going to try to make a real effort to blog more, i promise. but don't count on much, lol. soooo last you heard from me, did i tell you i had baby number 4? no, i don't think so. so yeah, a boy. he is so awesome and my 2 year old girl is so good with him. still struggling with depression and some opie use but nothing like what i used to get up to. i have been trying to recoonect with all my old online friends after not having internet for a year. and catch up on all the blogs i used to read. was very happy to see anna, melody, shane, gled and kaia especially still around and posting. so i will try n catch up more later. don't have alot of time atm.
~Carrion