Thursday, September 27, 2012

Good music

CANNOT stop listening to this song. Dax is so amazing, still rockin it. Acid Bath is still def on my top five but I really love how he shows on his vocal range in his solo stuff. And hey, the eye candy don't hurt either.

Here is a little Acid Bath to go along with it, my fav song:

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Suicide is painless

Tried to post two pages from Chris's journal, you know, my friend that offed himself in a hotel back in July. But it would not post. So I will try again later. As for me...

Things are a 110% better with me. I got back on the suboxone. I am making hella cash at the phone whore thing and my husband and I are once again getting along. Now that I got my shit back together. He really hates the pills but goes about trying to get me clean the completely wrong way. Yelling at me and calling me names, putting me down to anyone who will listen, yeah, that will only make me use more.

I work all the time, which is good. At least it is from home so I can be with my kids when needed. But I do have to stay holed up in my room doing the phone kink thing quite a bit tho. Actually it is nice to have sometime to myself after being with my kids 24/7 non-stop for the last three years.

So as for my week and a half slamming hydromorphone. It was total bullshit. My now ex-friend, who is a prostitute, addict, pregnant and currently trying to get her kid back from state custody (yeah right!) was the one who showed up with the dillys. Of course on the second day after I jumped off the subs and wasn't feeling well and was ever so happy to get some relief. Well, NEVER again. That week reminded me of every reason why I got off pills. Got deathly ill twice when there wasn't anything around, bitch got robbed when I took her to score. Which we have since found out she screwed this guy over and he was just exacting revenge. But still, she got me caught up in that shit. Spent countless hours running her around looking for pills. When every damn time it was "oh we only gotta go 10 min up the road" and "yeah it's all set up, they are waiting". All lies. I let her man sleep on my couch and all he did was badmouth me the whole time. Then the bitch took my husband for $20 damn dollars. So yeah, no more of that shit.

It was actually good it happened. Really reminded me of what I got away from. The whole damn week all I wanted was to be back on the subs. So that is my update for now. I plan to jump off again soon. I want rid of all of this shit, for good.

I have tried to get around to catching up on some blogs but there are ALOT of pervs out there and they all seem to want to talk to me. Yeah I'm THAT good. lol I'm so good that my boss sends me all the new callers and returning callers that have not called in awhile so I can hook em back in. I also get the guys who had one special girl they liked but now she is gone. My boss gives them 3-5 free minutes usually by the thrid minute they are adding more time. Of course the down side to being so good is alot of these guys get hooked on me and want to meet me or come live with me. I swear this guy I have talked to all of about 3 times, an hour each, was ready to drop everything and move across the country so that I could sissify him completely. I try to impress upon these guys how dangerous that is for both parties.There are alot of adult babies out there desperate for a mommy. And many have been taken by unscrupulous women. But anyhow, that is a post for another day. Adult baby is waaaay more then a fetish,

Love you all, thanks for reading and especially bugerlugs. I will be checking in soon and I hope you are doing well.
~The Doll


Wednesday, September 12, 2012

National suicide prevention week

In remembrance of Chris and Brian, who didn't call, who could not see past their pain to all those who cared about them and still miss them everyday...

Update to come soon. I have just been working ALOT!! I am back on the suboxone and things are MUCH better. I do have to tell you guys about my week of bullshit while relapsing. TOTAL reminder of why I wanted to get away from that shit in the first place.

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150517199390685.368788.11261740684&type=3