Chris is gone, and this time he can't come back...

Found out earlier today that my friend of 12 years killed himself 10 days ago. That's how long it took the authorities to find his family. He has not had much contact with them in the past few years. Looks like an overdose, there was some sort of note. His brother will be here in the morning and we will begin to find out more then.

He moved from our house to Seattle, I guess about 5 years ago. I am not good at keeping track of time so that may be a bit off. His brother went with him. It didn't take long for the tar to get to him. He spent a few years fighting a nasty addiction to it. He got clean and made plans to come back and stay with us. He always considered my husband and I his family. Sometimes his only family. Because no matter what he had done, we never judged and always welcomed him home. He met a girl at rehab. Former stripper, current cam girl, like myself. We had not heard from him for sometime. He once again made plans to bring his new wife home. We talked about setting up our own cam site. Lost contact again. Then his brother started telling us how he had fallen into meth. That his wife was psychotic to the point that her family threw HER out when Chris split up with her. And they allowed him to stay at their house when he, once again, made the decision to get clean. Apparently the meth use was heavy, very heavy. And of course he is a slammer. Didn't take long for the psychosis to set in. He called his family, all of us, and told us to be careful. We were being watched by a cartel that had kidnapped him, drugged him, beat him and dumped him in a ditch for dead. This was after he disappeared on a two week bender.

His wife's family had to commit him. He was totally paranoid and in the grip of full psychosis. His brother went to see him. He was drugged to the gills. Not himself. He got out and back together with his wife. I knew all this from his brother. But Chris himself had his wife call and tell us he was at a center doing a sleep study. He had never lied to us before. He had no reason to now. There is not one thing he could have said that I would have held against him or made me think less of him. Things changed with us after that.

Once again had no contact for sometime. Then he wrote to say he was getting divorced. He was trying to get the money for a plane ticket, was once again planning on coming home. No contact again. Then he writes me on fb. Him and Tori or Anna, or whatever identity she was choosing to be that day, were together again. They were at the Mayo clinic. She was getting tests done. They were clean and wanted to come home and be near the only family he felt he had left. They were desperate to hurry and have a baby. She told me she had health problems and she needed to get pregnant right away or she would not be able to have kids at all. They seemed happy but I knew it was all a lie. They hinted, alot, for me to give them the invite to come live with us. After everything, I knew better than to say yes right away. Besides that, we have two more kids we didn't have when he lived with us before. I just started back to work after 3 years gone. And my husbands job is about to be no more. The company is going under. We cannot even support ourselves without help from the in-laws. So we certainly could not support them til they got jobs and a place. Plus the whole baby thing was just outrageous. They were newly clean (which I doubted) hardcore addicts, they had no place to live, no jobs. None of it sounded right, or like Chris at all.

I called his brother. He had not actually spoken to Chris in sometime. But he had gotten news from other family members. He did not know Chris was back with Tori/Anna. He did know that Chris went to stay with their mom. Who he refers to as "the egg donor". She did not raise her kids, nor give a damn about them growing up. Apparently Chris stole some company checks from her work. Got them cashed and split. Getting his mom fired and himself a warrant. Then he went to stay with an uncle. That was the last his brother knew. He said we should definitely steer clear of Chris. He would just bring trouble. So I wrote Chris back on fb. Told him sorry but we don't have the room or the financials to help this time. But we would love to see them and could help them find a place. They were living out of hotels near the mayo clinic. That was 10 days ago. I JUST realized that was the day he did it. OMG. He killed himself the day I told him he no longer had a home to come to.

OK, sorry, I didn't think of that earlier because I was in shock. I know I couldn't have let him come, not really. Not with all the trouble he had brought on himself. I have my kids to think of. But it still makes me wonder if he thought that the last people who were always there for him weren't anymore. So what we know so far is him and Anna/Tori had a fight, she left, he wrote a note and overdosed. Possibly on pills. They found no track marks, maybe they really were clean. I wonder where the fuck this bitch Tori is? Does she even know? If she was around, she knew how to get a hold of his family. So she must of disappeared again. She did that alot.

Damn you Chris, why didn't you call me. We talked on fb right before. Mere hours before. I was still here. I just couldn't take on anymore. We just didn't have room. But I was still there...

                                                   

Deep Peace to You
Deep peace of the running wave to you.
Deep peace of the flowing air to you.
Deep peace of the quiet earth to you.
Deep peace of the shining stars to you.
Deep peace of the infinite peace to you.