I have not yet jumped off the subs. My husband got me a few more so that I can take more time to taper. The more you can taper, the better. I know I have to pay my dues eventually. But I am working my ass off between the kids and the house and my actual job. Most days I am running on 3-5 hours of sleep.
Work has been SLOW this week too. Sucks because we need money really bad. My husband finally gave up on his job. They are closing any day now. The bank note hasn't been paid, so his brother is just waiting for them to come force him out. Just trying to make what he can in the mean time. But my husband is barely getting any hours and I can make more money them him if he stays home with the kids and lets me log more hours online and taking calls. If I can manage some daytime hours instead of JUST overnights it will get me alot more regulars. So that's that.
I wanted to post a comment I made on a blog just because it explains some of what went on with the pain clinics here in Florida and I just didn't want to have to type all that out again to explain it here. This is an excellent blog. It is written by the father of a beautiful teenage girl who died from an overdose of prescription drugs. I have gotten comments from him and another blogger that...well IDK if I can explain how it truly makes me feel. I always think people like them. people who are just normal parents, regular people, look at people like me as dirty junkies that aren't worth the good air they breathe. They have shown me kindness and seem to truly care. That is more than I have gotten from most people in my life and it means ALOT. The other blogger is Jane. I put a link to her blog in my last post. Their kindness makes me want to try even harder to do this and win. Not alot of people in the world like them. They have lost their children. And I cannot for one instant, as a mother myself, imagine the pain. But instead of being bitter and angry (which I am sure there is some of that too but it doesn't rule them) they are doing something good. And they are helping people. By all rights, they should hate people like me. But they don't and they have reached out to me and that means so much.
Here are their blogs:
http://lifeaftermikhaila.wordpress.com/
http://mydeadsonsjournals.wordpress.com/
And the comment I made that tells some of what I experienced at the Florida pain clinics:
Not ALL doctors care. I am sure you have heard at least some of what
has been going on where I am from, Florida. Of course they are now
cracking down and leaving thousands of people with no help after helping
them get addicted to a very powerful opiate. They (big pharma, our
government, our doctors) unleashed this drug with NO regulations. They
handed them out like candy. Up until recently, they had pain clinics on
every corner. Jane, I believe it was you who had a post about Oxycontin
Express? Excellent docu on what has been going on here. When I was still
doing pills, I used to drive people to their doctors on occasion, it
was just crazy! These “clinics” were open til 9-10pm, had armed thugs at
the doors, accepted cash only payments and even filled scripts on site
(for an extra charge on each pill of course). Retired doctors were paid
good money to come out of retirement and write scripts (sell drugs) all
day. The waiting rooms were filled with obvious junkies and dealers.
People were making deals on their cell phones right in the waiting
rooms! Then going out to their cars with scripts in hand and snorting
pills right there in plain site. They were handing out up tp 400 oxy
30mg’s/month, usually with about 150 -15mg oxys, 60-80 xanax (a very
dangerous combo with opiates) and sometimes even 10mg percosets. To 20
year old kids who didn’t have a thing wrong with them. To get in they
would send you to these shady places to get a MRI once again, cash only
payments. I mean I went with my husband to a warehouse with a MRI
machine set up and guys with sub machine guns at the door. My hubby
doesn’t use, he was just doing this to help my dealer get more pills to
pay off my debt. Which I am very ashamed that I put him in that kind of
risk to do. But that’s another story. I would see people go to 4 doctors
a month and get the above meds prescribed. This went on for years.
People would come from other states to get pills to take home and sell. I
think that is the biggest reason they started cracking down, that and
the amount of OD’s rose so high they could no longer ignore it. But law
enforcement in other states started to notice and trying to do
something. That brought attention to the whole deal.
With all that, people just didn’t have a chance. I mean I am all for
taking responsibility for your actions. We are big boys and girls who
made a decision to use and keep using. But I have seen naive people who
had never touched a drug get caught up. They had no idea what they were
being prescribed and they did have real illness and injuries. And until
they were ready to get off their meds they had no idea what had happened
to them. So yeah, some doctors care and just don’t know what to do. Or
are too bogged down by HMO’s and government rules and patient loads, etc
etc. But there are so many that just want that quick dollar as well and
don’t care how many people they kill or how many lives they ruin. No
one had any idea how bad these little pills were when they first hit.
And it still floors me that they were not regulated in any way when they
first hit the market."
Pure craziness whores, I tell you...
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