Got married on the 23rd, had the sex of the baby confirmed. it is definetly a girl, we will name her Mae Imogen. I have the worst cold right now but other than that, things have been so good.

That's it for now, I am to sick to get into details but I will come back and tell you about the wedding, it was small but perfect.

Someone cares!

LOL, since someone out there cares about what has been happening I will tell ya.

I got released from house arrest on Oct 24th. I have regular probation for one more year and I will go for another early term in about March or so. But it feels good to be out of the house.

The man and I are making it official on December 23rd. Yes, we finally decided to get married. It is more for the kids and tax purposes. Not meaning we don't love each other and this is it for us. But if we did not have kids, we would not feel the need to pay the state for a piece of paper that says it. It's just another way for the gov to make some money off people.

The pregnancy is going well, I am very excited now and have become quite impatient. I am barely showing (18 weeks) and I am ready to be big. I can feel her move everyday now. They were not real sure it is a "she" at the ultrasound, the baby was not in the prime position. But i feel like it is a girl. I will be looking into seeing a midwife at a birthing center. Right now I am still at the health dept. until the medicaid kicks in. They are taking their time.

Financially right now we are screwed. as many others are. Thanks Bush! you stupid fucker. I am soooooooooo happy Obama made it in. I have the feeling he will be one of our greatest presidents. Anything is better than another fucking republican. So we are trying to get assistance but it is taking longer than usual. The power may be shut off. But I do have some places to go for help. We have been low on food also. I got the names of some food pantries to go to. So that sucks but I know it is temporary. I have been here before, I have been in worse situations, just never with the kids. Luckily we are getting toys for tots to get presents for our kids and my in laws always load them down. At least we have our house still and that is not in danger and we have family that would help if it comes down to it, which is more than some people have. I am thankful for that.

So that's it. I hope that you are all well and happy. Except for you ignorant fucks, I hope you die a horrible death after suffering and your family morns your loss for the rest of their days. Mwhahahaha

Update!!

Ok people are compaling so I guess I should update, lol. Sorry but I just hate keeping up with two journals and I am in love with livejournal. So I will post a few of my entries from there.

But first, my newest news. I have a court date on the 24th for a hearing to determine possible early termination from community control (house arrest without the anklet). My officer wants to be there, he has been really nice and would like to see me get off probation. So, of course, he is putting in a good recommendation. I am thinking they will just commute the rest of my sentence to regular probation. If that's all I can get, I will take it. But it makes me nervous. I will not be doing anything to get into trouble but you don't have to in Florida. The regular probation officers look for anything to violate you. Especially at the end of your probation, even if it's just some stupid technical on paperwork. So I will be on eggshells unless I get a decent officer, which is hard to tell because they act all nicey nice to gain trust, but they are two-faced snakes. So anyhow, on to the rest of the updating:

You know what? Nevermind. I will just tell you. I am about 16 weeks along now. Everything is a-ok so far. I heard the little strong heartbeat and I have been feeling the baby move almost everyday now. Some sickness and I am very tired alot. But now that I am in the 2nd trimester that should start to subside now. I have a sonogram on the 22nd and I hope the lil bean has it's legs open so we know what it is. I have been doing tons of stuff around the house. Rearranging and general cleaning. There is just alot of stuff that needed to be taked care of. This baby has lit a fire to get it all done. Early nesting?

I found out that medicaid covers midwives. Right now I am going to the health department until my medicaid kicks in. I always wanted to do a waterbirth with a midwife with my other kids. But it wasn't very common here at the time. So we shall see. I am just happy that we are both healthy and that all the shit I have done has not affected us.

I do have an issue with a few friends of mine. But I will post that later. I am hungry now and have to go. I will try to update more often. If you are on livejournal and would like to add me and you are not an asshole my name is Carrion_Army. And yes I have a fascination with the worn carrion. I think it's purty.

oh baby!

Went down to the health clinic and had it confirmed that I am indeed pregnant and get an appointment set up to get insurance and WIC. So I go back on Oct 1. I am actually starting to get a bit excited in spite of myself. However I am about to worry myself to death over my ovarian cysts. I am not usually a worrier so I blame it on the hormones. I also worry about the damage I have done to my body because of the drugs. Mainly the year and half of shooting coke, 6 months of that being almost everyday. I was not planning on more kids. But there is nothing I can do til I see the doctor, so I am trying to get myself all freaked out. I will keep you all posted on how things go.

It's everywhere

Pregnancy! # girls in my neighborhood are pregnant, my man's cousin, a fellow blogger too. Then it's all I see on t.v. and in magazines. With my second kid, I saw pregnant women everywhere I went.

So friday when I took the test I already pretty much knew. I had known for two weeks but didn't WANT to know. I was just hoping the sickness and tiredness was due to my kidneys or complications from the cysts. But alas, no I am pregnant. I will be making an appointment to see the doctor to confirm next week. But I know my body, I've been pregnant twice before.

Both me and Chad are pro-choice but for us, at this time, I don't feel like abortion is the right choice. So time to get healthy for my new little one. Boy, I did NOT want to start over with a baby in diapers. My youngest will be 9 in a few months. I was pretty freaked out the first day but have come to accept it now. My boyfriend is still in denial, lol. I mean he KNOWS, but he is hoping it is a false positive from having ovarian cysts. But either way he's not upset. IDK, he is just very laid back and figures, oh well, that's life. We will just have to work a bit harder now.

The ovarian cysts do worry me with pregnancy, they can cause al kinds of problems and may require surgery. And I have been having sharp pains in my abdomen, the same kind I get every month before my period due to the cysts. Except I am having them alot more.

We are pretty sure that our last mini coke binge is what got us into this mess. And since then I have only done one small shot of some really shitty coke that didn't even feel like anything. So of course no more of that. I did take a few hydros but from the info I have found that would not cause any problems, but no more of that from now on either. the only thing I will be popping is prenatal vitamins. I never did drugs while pregnant with either of my other children and it is not something I will chance. Even though I know in some circumstance women take prescribed hydrocodone while pregnant and doctors say it is ok in small doses. Obviously I don't NEED them.

One thing I do worry about is the damage I have done to my body. Cocaine is so hard on the blood system and your body in general. One good thing is I will be getting good healthcare for awhile to come. In the process I can get myself healthy again.

I am trying to believe everything happens for a reason. And I usually do believe that. But another kid? In this world, with the government and the country going down the way it is? With the economy the way it is? I wanted my tubes tied, burned, frozen, dessimated, after my second kid. But the general rule here was you had to have 3 kids or be 25. I was 2 months from being 25. I just keep thinking about all this entails. Most women, with their first pregnancys have no idea. They think in terms of the immediate. They don't have the experience of having kids already and knowing what is in store. I don't have that luxury. For christs sake I have a teenager and now a baby?

Guess what?

I'm pregnant, so yeah...

Update, not sure why I bother

I know I have been all but non-exsistent. Like I siad before, I am a livejournal addict so I write most of my stuff there. I'm going to give you the short version becuase I have been in poor health lately. I drank a few weeks back, I don't really drink at all anymore. But a friend I haven't seen in awhile came into town. Anyhow it took me two days to recover and the rest of the week I was rundown and nauseous. So the next friday I got an oxy and two hydrocodone. I took them and started to puke, ok no biggie they do that sometimes. A friend came by and gave me a free shot of coke and that was it. I was puking my guts up non stop. Puking so hard I could not hold myself up. Apparently my kidneys have had enough. So I got over that but since then I am rundown all the time. So tired I can barely move at times and I get nauseous alot. I am goig to take a pregnancy test tomorrow just to rule that out. But I have a sneaking suspiscion it's my kidneys or just the overall damage I've done. I also have cysts on my ovaries that are giving me alot of pain recently so I am going to be making my way to the doctors very soon. So other than the above named drugs I haven't and won't be doing anything until I get my health in order, which may very well keep me from doing anything for a very long time anyhow. Such is the life of an addict.*sigh*

**sidenote. I know the haters are gona be biting at this one. But there is nothing you can say that I haven't already accepted. I knew the health risk going in and still made the decision to use. And yeah, yeah, I know you think I'm a stupid junkie whore, whatever, blah blah blah, go fucking kill yourself. There I said it all for ya, ain't I soo nice, lol. Now you don't have to waste your time. Oh I forgot thats part of the point, your life sucks so you gota read about mine and throw your ignorant comments, otherwise your exsistence is bland.