oh baby!

Went down to the health clinic and had it confirmed that I am indeed pregnant and get an appointment set up to get insurance and WIC. So I go back on Oct 1. I am actually starting to get a bit excited in spite of myself. However I am about to worry myself to death over my ovarian cysts. I am not usually a worrier so I blame it on the hormones. I also worry about the damage I have done to my body because of the drugs. Mainly the year and half of shooting coke, 6 months of that being almost everyday. I was not planning on more kids. But there is nothing I can do til I see the doctor, so I am trying to get myself all freaked out. I will keep you all posted on how things go.

It's everywhere

Pregnancy! # girls in my neighborhood are pregnant, my man's cousin, a fellow blogger too. Then it's all I see on t.v. and in magazines. With my second kid, I saw pregnant women everywhere I went.

So friday when I took the test I already pretty much knew. I had known for two weeks but didn't WANT to know. I was just hoping the sickness and tiredness was due to my kidneys or complications from the cysts. But alas, no I am pregnant. I will be making an appointment to see the doctor to confirm next week. But I know my body, I've been pregnant twice before.

Both me and Chad are pro-choice but for us, at this time, I don't feel like abortion is the right choice. So time to get healthy for my new little one. Boy, I did NOT want to start over with a baby in diapers. My youngest will be 9 in a few months. I was pretty freaked out the first day but have come to accept it now. My boyfriend is still in denial, lol. I mean he KNOWS, but he is hoping it is a false positive from having ovarian cysts. But either way he's not upset. IDK, he is just very laid back and figures, oh well, that's life. We will just have to work a bit harder now.

The ovarian cysts do worry me with pregnancy, they can cause al kinds of problems and may require surgery. And I have been having sharp pains in my abdomen, the same kind I get every month before my period due to the cysts. Except I am having them alot more.

We are pretty sure that our last mini coke binge is what got us into this mess. And since then I have only done one small shot of some really shitty coke that didn't even feel like anything. So of course no more of that. I did take a few hydros but from the info I have found that would not cause any problems, but no more of that from now on either. the only thing I will be popping is prenatal vitamins. I never did drugs while pregnant with either of my other children and it is not something I will chance. Even though I know in some circumstance women take prescribed hydrocodone while pregnant and doctors say it is ok in small doses. Obviously I don't NEED them.

One thing I do worry about is the damage I have done to my body. Cocaine is so hard on the blood system and your body in general. One good thing is I will be getting good healthcare for awhile to come. In the process I can get myself healthy again.

I am trying to believe everything happens for a reason. And I usually do believe that. But another kid? In this world, with the government and the country going down the way it is? With the economy the way it is? I wanted my tubes tied, burned, frozen, dessimated, after my second kid. But the general rule here was you had to have 3 kids or be 25. I was 2 months from being 25. I just keep thinking about all this entails. Most women, with their first pregnancys have no idea. They think in terms of the immediate. They don't have the experience of having kids already and knowing what is in store. I don't have that luxury. For christs sake I have a teenager and now a baby?