A little construction

Working on my blog. Haven't done anything with it in a looong time. Now that I am back to phone whoring, I may have time to actually write somewhat. I have blogs and ads and junk to write for my characters too. Maybe I will make a page just for phone sex stories. Cause man have I got stories! See ya soon.

Chris is gone, and this time he can't come back...

Found out earlier today that my friend of 12 years killed himself 10 days ago. That's how long it took the authorities to find his family. He has not had much contact with them in the past few years. Looks like an overdose, there was some sort of note. His brother will be here in the morning and we will begin to find out more then.

He moved from our house to Seattle, I guess about 5 years ago. I am not good at keeping track of time so that may be a bit off. His brother went with him. It didn't take long for the tar to get to him. He spent a few years fighting a nasty addiction to it. He got clean and made plans to come back and stay with us. He always considered my husband and I his family. Sometimes his only family. Because no matter what he had done, we never judged and always welcomed him home. He met a girl at rehab. Former stripper, current cam girl, like myself. We had not heard from him for sometime. He once again made plans to bring his new wife home. We talked about setting up our own cam site. Lost contact again. Then his brother started telling us how he had fallen into meth. That his wife was psychotic to the point that her family threw HER out when Chris split up with her. And they allowed him to stay at their house when he, once again, made the decision to get clean. Apparently the meth use was heavy, very heavy. And of course he is a slammer. Didn't take long for the psychosis to set in. He called his family, all of us, and told us to be careful. We were being watched by a cartel that had kidnapped him, drugged him, beat him and dumped him in a ditch for dead. This was after he disappeared on a two week bender.

His wife's family had to commit him. He was totally paranoid and in the grip of full psychosis. His brother went to see him. He was drugged to the gills. Not himself. He got out and back together with his wife. I knew all this from his brother. But Chris himself had his wife call and tell us he was at a center doing a sleep study. He had never lied to us before. He had no reason to now. There is not one thing he could have said that I would have held against him or made me think less of him. Things changed with us after that.

Once again had no contact for sometime. Then he wrote to say he was getting divorced. He was trying to get the money for a plane ticket, was once again planning on coming home. No contact again. Then he writes me on fb. Him and Tori or Anna, or whatever identity she was choosing to be that day, were together again. They were at the Mayo clinic. She was getting tests done. They were clean and wanted to come home and be near the only family he felt he had left. They were desperate to hurry and have a baby. She told me she had health problems and she needed to get pregnant right away or she would not be able to have kids at all. They seemed happy but I knew it was all a lie. They hinted, alot, for me to give them the invite to come live with us. After everything, I knew better than to say yes right away. Besides that, we have two more kids we didn't have when he lived with us before. I just started back to work after 3 years gone. And my husbands job is about to be no more. The company is going under. We cannot even support ourselves without help from the in-laws. So we certainly could not support them til they got jobs and a place. Plus the whole baby thing was just outrageous. They were newly clean (which I doubted) hardcore addicts, they had no place to live, no jobs. None of it sounded right, or like Chris at all.

I called his brother. He had not actually spoken to Chris in sometime. But he had gotten news from other family members. He did not know Chris was back with Tori/Anna. He did know that Chris went to stay with their mom. Who he refers to as "the egg donor". She did not raise her kids, nor give a damn about them growing up. Apparently Chris stole some company checks from her work. Got them cashed and split. Getting his mom fired and himself a warrant. Then he went to stay with an uncle. That was the last his brother knew. He said we should definitely steer clear of Chris. He would just bring trouble. So I wrote Chris back on fb. Told him sorry but we don't have the room or the financials to help this time. But we would love to see them and could help them find a place. They were living out of hotels near the mayo clinic. That was 10 days ago. I JUST realized that was the day he did it. OMG. He killed himself the day I told him he no longer had a home to come to.

OK, sorry, I didn't think of that earlier because I was in shock. I know I couldn't have let him come, not really. Not with all the trouble he had brought on himself. I have my kids to think of. But it still makes me wonder if he thought that the last people who were always there for him weren't anymore. So what we know so far is him and Anna/Tori had a fight, she left, he wrote a note and overdosed. Possibly on pills. They found no track marks, maybe they really were clean. I wonder where the fuck this bitch Tori is? Does she even know? If she was around, she knew how to get a hold of his family. So she must of disappeared again. She did that alot.

Damn you Chris, why didn't you call me. We talked on fb right before. Mere hours before. I was still here. I just couldn't take on anymore. We just didn't have room. But I was still there...

                                                   

Deep Peace to You
Deep peace of the running wave to you.
Deep peace of the flowing air to you.
Deep peace of the quiet earth to you.
Deep peace of the shining stars to you.
Deep peace of the infinite peace to you.

In case anybody stops by thought I would give an update. Been  totally clean since December. If you call being on subs clean, some don't. But I have weaned down to less than 2mgs and now I am getting cravings. Luckily I can't find any dope around here. I don't have any cravings for pills thank gawd. And I honestly don't think I will. Except the occasional mild one but nothing that will take up more than a few minutes thought. Back to the phone sex biz with my old boss. Happy to be making money again and Madison has always taken very good care of me. And she knows about my pill habit. Talked to me about it at length and was very caring and understanding. I have never met this woman face to face and she cares about me more than most people I know. Also got in touch with my Fam in Tenn. Very happy about that. My Aunt has always been more like a mom than my real one. Speaking of her, talked to her once and have her on FB. Says she wants to see my kids, didn't even know she had a new grand daughter and grandson who is named after her father. Says she wants to meet up soon. I even offer to come there. But she never gives me an exact date/time to do this. I invited her to their birthday party and no answer. Not sure what to make of that. Not to surprised and had no real expectations anyways. Maybe I will try to start writing again. Not that life is too exciting right now. Maybe I can relate some of my phone fetish stories. You would never believe some of this shit. And the worst ones comes from people you would never believe. I have to blog for and advertise my characters alot tho, so we will see.

I am depressed today. I supposed it is because of the slight withdrawals I am going through. That and life is just well, lonely. There are so many things I need to be doing, so many things I want to do, but I hold myself back. Only doing what absolutely needs to be done and otherwise hiding out. My husband is being a douche lately. He can be such a hypocrite and sometimes I truly question if he loves me at all. I think I am only what I can do for him most of the time.

Someone brought me a quarter of an oxy 30 so I don't have to feel quite so bad. I think of going to the methadone clinic. But I have kicked methadone before. It was the WORST experience of my life. Especially when you have to get up and live life and do shit and take care of people. I know I'm a piece of shit, really you don't have to say it. There is nothing you can say that will make me feel any worse than I can make myself feel.

I have new trinkets for my dreads. Which are so very long now. They are 3 years old. Maybe one day when I feel better I will attach my new pretties and take a picture of them for you. Boy I'm all over the place aren't I.

I am going to start phonewhoring again soon. I can't wait to make some fucking money.

ok, for real this time...maybe

this is gonna be super quick but, i am going to try to make a real effort to blog more, i promise. but don't count on much, lol. soooo last you heard from me, did i tell you i had baby number 4? no, i don't think so. so yeah, a boy. he is so awesome and my 2 year old girl is so good with him. still struggling with depression and some opie use but nothing like what i used to get up to. i have been trying to recoonect with all my old online friends after not having internet for a year. and catch up on all the blogs i used to read. was very happy to see anna, melody, shane, gled and kaia especially still around and posting. so i will try n catch up more later. don't have alot of time atm.
~Carrion

I guess I will bring this shit back. What's new here? I have gone from phone whore to cam whore and dominatrix. Also no more coke in the veins, now pills up the nasal cavity. And I now have spawn number 3, my beautiful baby girl. I can't remember how long it has been since I last wrote and am way to lazy to look. So not sure if I was still writing when I got pregnant with number 3. Anyhoo, that's it for now, this lazy bitch does not feel like truly updating. Hopefully I will be back with more but who knows really.

Got married on the 23rd, had the sex of the baby confirmed. it is definetly a girl, we will name her Mae Imogen. I have the worst cold right now but other than that, things have been so good.

That's it for now, I am to sick to get into details but I will come back and tell you about the wedding, it was small but perfect.