The coke talk

Shelley you referred to the "robot voice" that is sooo funny because I always called it robot sounds or robot noise. For awhile I was getting good shots but I wasn't hearing "the bells" anymore. then last weekend I did a huge shot and bam! there went them bells. That shot was sooo intense I stripped off my clothes and jumped in a cold shower for a minute. it was kind of funny but a little scary too. I know you guys know those shots. The real good ones that take you to the edge, they are soo good but for a minute you feel like it may be too much and it gets scary for about 30 seconds or so.

About two years ago we had a real bad coke habit. using about 5 days a week. I would be up for 3 days and thought it was only about 24 hours. Luckily I never had seizures or cocaine psychosis. I don't know how cause the shit we got was/is GOOD. But your right it does get so tiring and you do get stuck. Everytime we get coke to shoot we end up in the bathroom for hours until the shit and the money is gone. Thats why we can use every once in awhile but we really got to have to will power to say ok, no more for awhile. We like to keep it down to once, MAYBE twice a month on a friday or saturday night.

I definetly prefer opiates. I can still function and get stuff done. As a matter of fact it makes me want to get up and clean and do what I have to do. But we don't know anyone around here that can get dope anymore. And I have a few pill connects but thats never a sure thing. I can usually only find stuff a couple weekends a month.(I can only use on the weekends right now because I have to be clean by friday morn to check in with my po). So the only thing I can ever get for sure is coke.

Like I keep sayin, I really got to get new connects. After I get off house arrest I should be able to do that. Right now I have to rely on my boyfriend to get anything for me and unless he is doing it too, he is really half assed about finding me shit. Which pisses me off, because god forbid he be without his weed, he whines and bitches waaaay worse then me. And he smokes all day everyday, all I get is pills and coke like twice a month, pills maybe 3 times a month. And he has the right to throw a fit when I get pissy about not having my shit!? Oh hell no.

And Melody, I know how the selective memory thing gets ya. I used to be that way too. But when you hit my age (32), you just feel too old to keep playing that game all the time. If I was still in my twenties, especially early twenties, there would be no stopping me. Fuck that. But now it takes longer to reover. I remember I could do a shitload of lsd, sleep for an hour and go to work and be good enough to make it through the day. Now it takes me two days to recover. You body just really starts to get worn out. I don't consider myself old or anything but there is a definite difference in how it makes me feel the next day, how long it takes me to not feel like shit and completely recover than when I was younger.

And fucking methadone is evil. I can't believe that shit is legal, it's crazy. I can't imagine what you went through kicking that shit in jail girl. Damn. Thats just fucked up.