Tomorrow

So, I am on house arrest. I go check in every friday. And when I get home tomorrow I have a pretty lil oxy waiting on. As for the story of how I got here it goes a little something like this:

Many moons ago, I was really fucked up. Eating handfuls of hydros all day, taking klonopins. Benzos are very bad for me, especially with alcohol. I black out and get extremely violent. I was going through some shit at this time. And my bf was not making things any easier. But that's a story for a different day.

So I had been out drinking and eating pills and I dropped my friend off before heading home. She begged me to stay but I knew my bf would have a fit if I didn't come home. Anyhow, some stupid little blonde teenage bitch who doesn't know how to drive, and who's parents gave her a rental car to drive for some fucked up reason, cut me off like 5 times driving down the road. She kept changing lanes and shit. Finally the last time she pulled into a KFC parking lot. I followed her in and tried to beat her ass in the parking lot. I know, it was a really fucked up and stupid thing to do. But I am not crying over it now. What's done is done aall I can do is take it as a lesson and move on.

So anyhow, I could not get to the lil snot nose brat so I got to her car then went home. Where I was promptly arrested and went about berating the stupid pigs who were unfortunate enough to have to take this call.

I go in front of the judge. Me, with blue dreads, piercings and tattoos. Crack dealers who had done serious time and been in front of this judge before walked with 6 months paper. I walked with 5 yrs. To make a long story short. I violated for dirty urine a few times and here I sit on 14 months house arrest.

I have since gone through counseling which, of course, didn't help a lick Until I came upon this one counselor, she was different. She must be the only counselor I know who actually gave a shit and was good at what she did. Thank god she got out of it before it ruined her and she became just like the rest. She now helps abused kids, she will help alot of kids.

So she helped me work on issues. Issues with my mother. Now I am still fucked up and I like it that way. But dealing with the things I did really helped me be happier than I have ever been. Now I am by no means like super happy. I am more content with life and that is way better than ever before.

Before my last violation, my bf and I got really bad on shooting up cocaine. We got clean for awhile and in the last 6 months have just started to party about once a moth. And I love to eat pills too but can't afford to do it all the time. I have a much better handle on my drug use and I do believe that some people can handle doing things in moderation I don't care if you agree with me or not and I don't give a shit what you have to say. Really...I don't.

This past weekend we went to the guy that gets the really good coke and that first shot about knocked me off my feet. it was fucking great. This guy wasn't around for awhile so the last couple times we got shit, it was pretty bad. It was so nice to have the good shit back around again.

So we had a good time and this weekend I am getting a few pills and thats it for awhile. We have to be all responsible and pay bills. Plus I have to be careful with probation. My release date isn't til March 2009. But my PO said after I get this one last class done I have setup for August 9 that I should go for early release. She will recommend me to the judge and my counselor will also go into court with me. I am not holding my breath though. Whenever I count on something it never happens. And I have the feeling that if it does they are just gonna put me back on regular probation. it's better than home confinement but i want to be free of this shit once and for all.