5 am

I can't sleep anymore. I am usually just logging off work and going to bed at this time but I went to sleep early. I am trying to change my schedule around. Maybe I can get some of the things on our list done around the house. I really need to get our bedroom taken apart so we can remodel it. When we bought the house all I did in that room was paint. The house was built in '64 and had alot of the original stuff so we have spent the last 5 years going through and pretty much fixing up a little at a time. I really want wood floors. But the bedroom needs a fresh coat of paint and we are thinking about making that a home office. The kids like to stay in the same room, which is odd. You would figure they would want their own rooms. Of course I know what will happen. We will get the office set up and make our bedroom in the spare room and then they will want to seperate, lol.

So I know this has been a most boring post. But the point of it was to show people that some addicts have a normal functional part of life. I may shoot coke once or twice a month for a night, I may have tattoos and piercings and dreads, I may be a freak and a junkie in some peoples eyes. But I am still a person, a mother, a wife (of sorts, 10 uear relationship). I like to party and I have let that party spiral out of control sometimes. I have made huge mistakes. But I try to learn from that.

When people hear junkie they get an image in their mind and they get stuck on it. We are not all like that, and the ones that seem to be, well maybe everything isn't the way it seems. Maybe there is alot more then what you see or think you see. Next time you look at that junkie, remember she/he is a person. She/he has proably been through some serious shit in life that has driven her/him there to be used and abused some more. Maybe you should consider yourself lucky that the roll of the dice didn't throw you there. Cause it very well could have. Maybe instead of being like the rest of the assholes in the world and treating her/him like shit, you should be the one that is different and lend some support.

Some of the other girls blog I read on here... people are so mean in their comments. Honset feedback is one thing and being just plain rude to make yourself feel good is another.That is part of why I started this one. I welcome the comments of the ignorant. It will give me and my man a good laugh at some of the lame motherfuckers out there. Because I see what is behind your comments. ;) And maybe for the people who are halfway decent and want to learn something in life, it will give you a new perspective, a little understanding. At the very least it gives me somewhere to vent and spill my guts.

IDK, I have always felt very protective of the down-trodden, the outcasts, misfits, junkies, lost souls and those who just live outside the norm. Say what you want to me. I keep in mind that I don't know these people anymore than they know me. The person on the other end of that comment could very well be the preacher who fucks his own daughter while telling me and everyone else how fucked up they are. I see right through hypocrisy bitches. But if you are giving me honest feedback and not here to just make nasty comments, I welcome that, even if it's not what I want to hear. Life is nothing if you are not constantly taking something away from your experiences and trying to learn from it and other peoples as well.

My point is, it is far to easy for people to sit and judge someone else. Alot of the time it is to make them feel better about their own miserable experience or the fact that they don't have any balls. Whatever the reason, you really have no right and you are inviting bad karma. Try some compassion and understanding or at least be open to learn something from other peoples experiences. Closed minded ,uptight people are always so miserable. Go smoke a fucking joint, lol.

Anyhow, I shall climb down off of my soapbox now. This has been quite enough preaching to a bunch of sheep who are incapable of learning shit. I have wasted enough time on the fucking ignorant people of the world. I hate people, they suck.

side note: idk if I already cleared this up. the term junkie/junky means something different to alot of ppl. i know the actual use of the term comes from heroin being called junk. but to me any intravenous drug user is a junkie and i prefer the ie spelling to the y. idk why that is, it just looks more purdy.