Wiped out that is. Partied a little hard this wekend. Getting to old for this shit, haahaa. Takes me a day to recover. We weren't gonna do any coke shots this weekend, we don't want it to become a regular thing again, but Old Man called for a ride and a freebie. Hey, who can turn down a freebie? But we were good and didn't actually buy any, which is a big deal for us. Usually just a few shots leads to wanting more and more. Then I have been eating hydros the rest of the time. I am so wiped out today, lol. I can't party like I used to and just keep on going, gotta take a day to recover so that's what I am doing. I gotta go take a call now, this guy is a black guy who thinks I'm a big tittie, big booty ho. LOL
edit: I did an oxy several hours before I shot the coke and some hydros when I was done and it helped the comedown sooo much. That's why I wish I could find a regular hookup for opiates, mostly hydros but H would be good too. I HATE the coke comedown, it's getting to be too much.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Tomorrow
So, I am on house arrest. I go check in every friday. And when I get home tomorrow I have a pretty lil oxy waiting on. As for the story of how I got here it goes a little something like this:
Many moons ago, I was really fucked up. Eating handfuls of hydros all day, taking klonopins. Benzos are very bad for me, especially with alcohol. I black out and get extremely violent. I was going through some shit at this time. And my bf was not making things any easier. But that's a story for a different day.
So I had been out drinking and eating pills and I dropped my friend off before heading home. She begged me to stay but I knew my bf would have a fit if I didn't come home. Anyhow, some stupid little blonde teenage bitch who doesn't know how to drive, and who's parents gave her a rental car to drive for some fucked up reason, cut me off like 5 times driving down the road. She kept changing lanes and shit. Finally the last time she pulled into a KFC parking lot. I followed her in and tried to beat her ass in the parking lot. I know, it was a really fucked up and stupid thing to do. But I am not crying over it now. What's done is done aall I can do is take it as a lesson and move on.
So anyhow, I could not get to the lil snot nose brat so I got to her car then went home. Where I was promptly arrested and went about berating the stupid pigs who were unfortunate enough to have to take this call.
I go in front of the judge. Me, with blue dreads, piercings and tattoos. Crack dealers who had done serious time and been in front of this judge before walked with 6 months paper. I walked with 5 yrs. To make a long story short. I violated for dirty urine a few times and here I sit on 14 months house arrest.
I have since gone through counseling which, of course, didn't help a lick Until I came upon this one counselor, she was different. She must be the only counselor I know who actually gave a shit and was good at what she did. Thank god she got out of it before it ruined her and she became just like the rest. She now helps abused kids, she will help alot of kids.
So she helped me work on issues. Issues with my mother. Now I am still fucked up and I like it that way. But dealing with the things I did really helped me be happier than I have ever been. Now I am by no means like super happy. I am more content with life and that is way better than ever before.
Before my last violation, my bf and I got really bad on shooting up cocaine. We got clean for awhile and in the last 6 months have just started to party about once a moth. And I love to eat pills too but can't afford to do it all the time. I have a much better handle on my drug use and I do believe that some people can handle doing things in moderation I don't care if you agree with me or not and I don't give a shit what you have to say. Really...I don't.
This past weekend we went to the guy that gets the really good coke and that first shot about knocked me off my feet. it was fucking great. This guy wasn't around for awhile so the last couple times we got shit, it was pretty bad. It was so nice to have the good shit back around again.
So we had a good time and this weekend I am getting a few pills and thats it for awhile. We have to be all responsible and pay bills. Plus I have to be careful with probation. My release date isn't til March 2009. But my PO said after I get this one last class done I have setup for August 9 that I should go for early release. She will recommend me to the judge and my counselor will also go into court with me. I am not holding my breath though. Whenever I count on something it never happens. And I have the feeling that if it does they are just gonna put me back on regular probation. it's better than home confinement but i want to be free of this shit once and for all.
Many moons ago, I was really fucked up. Eating handfuls of hydros all day, taking klonopins. Benzos are very bad for me, especially with alcohol. I black out and get extremely violent. I was going through some shit at this time. And my bf was not making things any easier. But that's a story for a different day.
So I had been out drinking and eating pills and I dropped my friend off before heading home. She begged me to stay but I knew my bf would have a fit if I didn't come home. Anyhow, some stupid little blonde teenage bitch who doesn't know how to drive, and who's parents gave her a rental car to drive for some fucked up reason, cut me off like 5 times driving down the road. She kept changing lanes and shit. Finally the last time she pulled into a KFC parking lot. I followed her in and tried to beat her ass in the parking lot. I know, it was a really fucked up and stupid thing to do. But I am not crying over it now. What's done is done aall I can do is take it as a lesson and move on.
So anyhow, I could not get to the lil snot nose brat so I got to her car then went home. Where I was promptly arrested and went about berating the stupid pigs who were unfortunate enough to have to take this call.
I go in front of the judge. Me, with blue dreads, piercings and tattoos. Crack dealers who had done serious time and been in front of this judge before walked with 6 months paper. I walked with 5 yrs. To make a long story short. I violated for dirty urine a few times and here I sit on 14 months house arrest.
I have since gone through counseling which, of course, didn't help a lick Until I came upon this one counselor, she was different. She must be the only counselor I know who actually gave a shit and was good at what she did. Thank god she got out of it before it ruined her and she became just like the rest. She now helps abused kids, she will help alot of kids.
So she helped me work on issues. Issues with my mother. Now I am still fucked up and I like it that way. But dealing with the things I did really helped me be happier than I have ever been. Now I am by no means like super happy. I am more content with life and that is way better than ever before.
Before my last violation, my bf and I got really bad on shooting up cocaine. We got clean for awhile and in the last 6 months have just started to party about once a moth. And I love to eat pills too but can't afford to do it all the time. I have a much better handle on my drug use and I do believe that some people can handle doing things in moderation I don't care if you agree with me or not and I don't give a shit what you have to say. Really...I don't.
This past weekend we went to the guy that gets the really good coke and that first shot about knocked me off my feet. it was fucking great. This guy wasn't around for awhile so the last couple times we got shit, it was pretty bad. It was so nice to have the good shit back around again.
So we had a good time and this weekend I am getting a few pills and thats it for awhile. We have to be all responsible and pay bills. Plus I have to be careful with probation. My release date isn't til March 2009. But my PO said after I get this one last class done I have setup for August 9 that I should go for early release. She will recommend me to the judge and my counselor will also go into court with me. I am not holding my breath though. Whenever I count on something it never happens. And I have the feeling that if it does they are just gonna put me back on regular probation. it's better than home confinement but i want to be free of this shit once and for all.
Ummm
i dont know what the fuck i am doing but meh...here goes nothing. i used to detest blogging, but i have come across some pretty good ones lately and i have been testing the blogosphere waters over at livejournal.
so you want to know about me. there is no way i am fitting it all in here, i will be here forever. the important points. i was raised by a drug addict/dealer. left home at 15. got married and had a kid at 19. divorced at 20. met chad at 23 had another kid, been together since. went crazy and smashed my car into someone elses. got probation, fucked up got house arrest and somewhere in there went to school and became a veterinary technician. but due to the house arrest the clinic i worked at doesnt want me til i finish up probation. so i am a phone sex prostitute.
thats the long and short of it. i know this blog will lead to me talking about my drug use, proably alot. even tho right now i dont use that often. i shoot coke about once a month, i eat pills when i can get my hands on them. i am looking at getting back to the basics tho. i started tripping alot at 16. i loved it, did it all the time. smoked alot of weed. but after watching my mother fuck up for years and put me in shitty situations, i was terrified of hard drugs. terrified yet drawn. i always saw shooting up as such a glamorous, rock star thing to do. i knew it wasn't. i am not stupid. i knew what it was to be a junkie, even without actually having been one at the time. still i was drawn.
i didnt touch any hard stuff till i was 23. then i went nuts, did it all. well almost, have never smoked crack. my mom is a crack ho now. maybe thats why, that and it just smells like ass. i have been looking to find a good dope connection, but havent yet.
my friend found a bag of H on the floor of a conveinence store and gave it to us. that shit was the best drug i have ever had. it was very light brown, almost white. i nose bumped that for like 3 days. it was perfection.
anyhow, i know i am gonna get some dumbasses that want to come on here and make stupid comments n such. to let you know right now. i dont care. i make no bones about what i do and who i am. dont want to hear, then be off. nothing you say is going to change me, hurt my feeling or even really do more than mildly piss me off. and you will be damn lucky to get that.
oh and one last thing. i consider myself a junkie even tho i have not had the occassion to shoot H yet. actually thats a lie, i almost forgot about that black tar c sent us. to me anyone who sticks a needle in their arm is a junkie. i am not going to argue this point with anyone. its just how i like to think.
so you want to know about me. there is no way i am fitting it all in here, i will be here forever. the important points. i was raised by a drug addict/dealer. left home at 15. got married and had a kid at 19. divorced at 20. met chad at 23 had another kid, been together since. went crazy and smashed my car into someone elses. got probation, fucked up got house arrest and somewhere in there went to school and became a veterinary technician. but due to the house arrest the clinic i worked at doesnt want me til i finish up probation. so i am a phone sex prostitute.
thats the long and short of it. i know this blog will lead to me talking about my drug use, proably alot. even tho right now i dont use that often. i shoot coke about once a month, i eat pills when i can get my hands on them. i am looking at getting back to the basics tho. i started tripping alot at 16. i loved it, did it all the time. smoked alot of weed. but after watching my mother fuck up for years and put me in shitty situations, i was terrified of hard drugs. terrified yet drawn. i always saw shooting up as such a glamorous, rock star thing to do. i knew it wasn't. i am not stupid. i knew what it was to be a junkie, even without actually having been one at the time. still i was drawn.
i didnt touch any hard stuff till i was 23. then i went nuts, did it all. well almost, have never smoked crack. my mom is a crack ho now. maybe thats why, that and it just smells like ass. i have been looking to find a good dope connection, but havent yet.
my friend found a bag of H on the floor of a conveinence store and gave it to us. that shit was the best drug i have ever had. it was very light brown, almost white. i nose bumped that for like 3 days. it was perfection.
anyhow, i know i am gonna get some dumbasses that want to come on here and make stupid comments n such. to let you know right now. i dont care. i make no bones about what i do and who i am. dont want to hear, then be off. nothing you say is going to change me, hurt my feeling or even really do more than mildly piss me off. and you will be damn lucky to get that.
oh and one last thing. i consider myself a junkie even tho i have not had the occassion to shoot H yet. actually thats a lie, i almost forgot about that black tar c sent us. to me anyone who sticks a needle in their arm is a junkie. i am not going to argue this point with anyone. its just how i like to think.
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